"My Best (Won't You)" ca. 2016

 

 I like my romances how I like my red umbrellas. Central, surrounded by darkness, dripping in the rains of tragedies past. 

*Breathes*. *Puts on eyeliner*.

I have way too much love. I would never change this fact, but the truth remains. I throw myself out there without a second thought. I go to such lengths to make people happy that I've actually made them unhappy. 

Therefore I've always loved this sonnet from Romeo and Juliet:

If I profane with my unworthiest hand

This holy shrine, the gentle sin is this:

My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand

To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.

Romeo speaks these words and honestly, who cares what Juliet says back? Who cares that a Shakespearean sonnet is 14 lines? The first four encapsulate my heart: a confession that my greatest successes and worst mistakes will all come from a place of love. Love is the knife and the bandaid. 

In "My Best (Won't You)", I sing of a dedication that hurts. I'm singing to a lover, but in a way, to love itself. Love that keeps me waiting, keeps me coming back. 

I wrote all the parts simultaneously on this song, which is my preferred way of working. The vocal melody cuts an exact harmony with the piano part, and every note is intentional.

My regret with this song is the lines,

My eternity of shame, 

How longing got its name

because these were supposed to be a play on words, that the word "longing" contains "long", which connects with "eternity" in the previous line. But I don't think this really comes through when you listen to it. 

The cool thing about this song is that I envisioned a style of singing that was very quiet and heavily processed, before the late 2010s pushed pop in this direction. It felt like I had come a long way from my Beatles-inspired early songs, and landed at something that was remotely trendy. 

Thanks to my friends Shayne and Charlotte for taking a look at it as female vocalists. 

And thanks to love, that asshole that never gives up on me.